Chapter Two: "Strengthening Your Mental Core"
Self-Talk: The True Value of Our Internal Dialogue
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand and take it easy
-Jackson Browne & Glenn Frey
Self-talk is the internal dialogue that we use in most situations. It can be a tool to keep us at our best and “in the zone.” It is the thing that we say to ourselves in many difficult situations, in particular. In the best of circumstances, it is often how we focus, calm ourselves down, or get ourselves motivated. Often, at its worst, self-talk can have a highly detrimental effect, particularly if it is negative or even too positive in nature. Self-talk can create anxiety, excessive pressure, and can make us forget our game plan, what we had worked hard, practiced and, ultimately, planned so carefully to do.
Negative self-talk focuses on failure and takes us right to the possibility of a negative outcome. It also zeroes in on the negative possible outcomes or the most likely consequences of mistakes. It takes away from our focus on our game plan and assumes or predicts failure. Negative self-talk is not only detrimental because of its content, but also, negative self-talk tends to be harsh, even abusive, and can easily and quickly erode confidence.
Conversely, positive self-talk focuses on the outcome and consequences as well. It is more optimistic, perhaps, but nevertheless tends to focus on the consequences instead of the task at hand.
Realistic self-talk is the self-talk that keeps us in the moment. It allows us to focus on the task and the plan that we have practiced and planned to execute. It maintains a step-by-step dialogue within ourselves that keeps us focused and task-oriented, rather than outcome-oriented. It reduces anxiety and pressure and maximizes the possibility of a successful outcome.
Perhaps the most important key to effective self-talk is that it should be instructional and directional. Look left, look right, look forward; step forward, right foot, left foot, step back; turn right, turn left; Do this, execute that. That type of self-talk is more likely to keep us focused and in the moment. It prevents us from the distraction of overly evaluative self-talk. Evaluative self-talk sends us down a completely different path. It sends us down the rabbit hole of predictions, outcomes, failure, and dire consequences.
Neutral Self-Talk
From the Navy SEALs and CEO’s to the NFL, Trevor Moawad’s clients have one thing in common: They have to perform at the highest level every single time. Trevor Moawad is a mental conditioning coach whose clients include NFL quarterback Russell Wilson of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Moawad's ideas are far from the typical “positive thinking” that many are used to. Moawad teaches something else.
“Neutral thinking beats positive thinking every time,” he says. “Most people, whether they are world-class athletes, Special Forces members, or everyday folk, tend to think negatively. Rather than trying to make the jump from negative to positive, I say move from negative to neutral. Neutral thinking may be the greatest guarantor of success that I’ve ever seen.”
He offers 6 self-talk techniques for peak performance.
1. Go neutral.
“Neutral thinking,” Moawad explains, “means accepting the idea that when something good or bad happens, it happens. Instead of getting caught up in the negativity of a bad past or a mental or physical mistake, you just accept that it happened and move on.
“It’s very Zen. It’s very Eastern. The problem with positive thinking is that when you do something wrong, it destroys that positive mindset. So I tell our athletes, instead of aiming for positive thinking, stay in neutral. It means that your behavior, which you’ve drilled into your muscle memory, will dictate what happens next—not your feelings.”
2. Stop giving credence to feelings.
“Feelings are confusing and misleading,” Moawad says. “Sometimes they are accurate depictions of reality, and sometimes not. The more we pay attention to our feelings, the more we move away from our capabilities and our training. So that’s why I say, don’t pay too much attention to your feelings.”
Moawad emphasizes that feelings are far less controllable than behaviors. He teaches that you can behave your way into feeling better, but you cannot always “feel” your way into acting more effectively. In short, focus on the behaviors that allow you to be your best.
Neutral thinking often requires you to steer clear of your feelings and make an honest assessment of each situation you’re facing. In other words, don’t worry about how you feel. Rely on what you know. You can apply this strategy to the workplace. Let’s say you hate your boss, and out of spite, you consider only putting in half the effort into a big project. But you’d only be hurting yourself. The solution is to look at the assignment from a neutral point of view: If you complete the task, and you continue doing the same with future projects, your boss will most likely get off your back. You may even get promoted and become the boss.
Thinking neutrally can also help you concentrate when devastating factors are swirling around in your life. Dramatic life events tend to introduce a flood of emotions, but staying neutral can help you manage them.Consider a marathon runner who has more than 20 miles to go. Was he/she thinking about the finish line when the race began? Is he/she letting the unpleasant events of her personal life take over her mind? No, of course not. That’s too overwhelming. He/she’s thinking about the pacing for the first mile. The planning is when she wants to grab a water gel or eat a pack. His/her headspace is in the now. Unfortunate things will happen, and when they do, we don’t have to pretend they didn’t. But also don’t have to view them as the end of the world. What happened already happened. Okay, fine. But your success isn’t determined by your past. It’s all about the present moment and what you do next.
3. Use what you have.
Most of us tend toward focusing on what we don’t have instead of what we can offer. Moawad gives the example of his coaching client, Wilson, who is 5’ 11’ feet tall, nowhere near the 6’4 height that the NFL traditionally expects of quarterbacks.
“Russell recognized that he did not meet the very specific rigorous standards predetermined by the National Football League relative to height and other anthropometric evaluations,” Moawad says. “Instead, he combined his behaviors along with his aptitude for football and said, ‘I’m going to use what I have rather than let the outside world tell me what I don’t have.’”
As a result, Wilson went on to win a Super Bowl and has been highly regarded as one of the top NFL quarterbacks for years, frequently speaks about how neutral thinking has impacted his life, on and off the field.
Wilson became one of the NFL’s most elite athletes because he trained his brain to stay neutral. Neutral thinking is a performance strategy that emphasizes judgment-free thinking, especially in crises and high-pressure situations. To fully master it, you must practice stripping away the bullshit and biases.
This isn’t easy, bias is everywhere: Confirmation bias, selection bias, negativity bias, gender bias, optimism bias, pessimistic bias, etc. It’s difficult to clearly perceive reality when your subconscious is prejudging it.
4. Don’t let the past take control
But the most dangerous bias — whether on the field, in the office or at home — is our innate privileging of the past; we give it too much importance.
In a 2015 interview with HBO’s “Real Sports,” Wilson was asked: “When you stink up the first half, you don’t think about it?” Wilson didn’t blink. “No, I don’t,” he replied. “I think about one play at a time. Let’s go. Let’s keep it going. That’s how we all think. That’s how we’re able to win.”
How does he do this? It all boils down to three states: What already happened, what is happening, and what will happen. Wilson never pretends that the past — good or bad — didn’t happen. Instead, he stays neutral: He’s aware of the past, grounded in the present, and focused on putting all his energy into the next move.
5. Focus on reducing negativity, not increasing positivity.
“Less negative is significantly more powerful than more positive,” Moawad argues. We’ve all seen situations where TV commentators will say that an athlete has, “a million dollar body and a ten cent head.” In other words, some athletes or other top performers have phenomenal skills but they stay so trapped in negative thinking that they are not able to cash in on those skills and maximize their performances.
Moawad’s answer: if you can eliminate negativity, or at least reduce your negative thinking, that’s going to be far more powerful for you than trying to buy into some hoaky positive thinking mindset. “Less negative beats more positive every day of the week,” Moawad says.
6. Watch your language.
“What you say out loud is far more powerful than your self-talk,” Moawad says. “Great teams are great at communicating powerfully and positively with each other. It matters less with what you tell yourself and more what you tell your teammates. You’ve really got to watch your external language if you’re going to succeed.” Moawad notes that most motivators focus on self-talk, and while he agrees that positive, or at least neutral, self-talk is important, he makes the point that it pales in importance when compared with how we communicate with others.
“What you say out loud is always in your control,” Moawad points out, “which is different from self-talk, which you cannot necessarily control. I’ve seen studies in the Harvard Business Review pointing out that negative external talk can be four to seven times more powerful than positive communication. So let’s keep it simple. What if I just didn’t say stupid things out loud? What if I made only that one change?”
Moawad says that some mental conditioning coaches teach athletes to meditate, to focus on their self-talk, or to create rituals for success.
“All well and good,” Moawad says. “But the simplest thing, and the most powerful thing is just not to say stupid things out loud. It’s amazing how much success that one trait brings.”
Can you identify your internal dialogue in particular situations that require peak performance? What do you say to yourself in situations that require your top performance? How do you focus, calm yourself or motivate yourself when you are in the middle of a difficult situation? Is your internal dialogue able to keep you “in the moment?” Does it facilitate your flow?
Are you focused on the steps that you have planned to execute? Are you reviewing the steps that you have planned? Or, are you focused on the consequences of a poor performance?
What is your self-talk as you begin to practice your steps?
Can you come up with examples of your negative self-talk? Here are some common examples.
1. I am going to fail.
2. I can’t do this.
3. This is too hard.
4. What if I mess up?
Can you come up with examples of your positive self-talk? Here are some examples.
1. This is easy.
2. I will succeed.
3. Piece of cake.
4. I can’t mess up.
Can you come up with examples for your realistic or neutral self-talk? Here are some good examples.
1. I have done this before.
2. I will follow the steps.
3. Take a deep breath.
4. I will take my time.
Here are some more examples of realistic self-statements adapted from John Ellsworth.
My performance today will be the best I can give regardless of the weather or conditions of the field.
I choose to see myself performing effortlessly as I glide through my wind-up and delivery with confidence and focus.
I love to compete; I love the energy of being in a field of runners, bikers and swimmers.
I choose to focus on remaining present and in the flow.
By having my pre-at-bat plan and sticking to my plan, there is success without judgment regardless of the outcome.
I choose to take the success from practice into the game with confidence, and trust in my ability to be a winner.
Being in the flow and in the process of my own race means no judgment and no analysis.
My training has prepared me for this day. I am confident that my training success has prepared me for this day.
Let positive self-statements become a positive force in your work life, athletic life, and life in general. Let this positive force enable you to become all that you can be.
Can you think of a situation in the near future that you will encounter in which self-talk will have an impact?
What typical self-talk do you use in these types of situations?
What self-talk would you like to replace it with?
What self-talk will you use instead?
How to Stop a Slump with Self-Talk
I had an old basketball coach who once said to his team, "You guys remind me of vultures, you don't know how to kill anything and nothing is dying."
I’ve got a secret weapon for mental toughness.
The lyrics of a very popular song from B.o.B. featuring Trey Songz includes a phrase that could be the most valuable mental conditioning tip you can have for dealing with adversity.
“But not for long.”
Every athlete and performer makes mistakes and experiences errors during practice as well as during games and competitive events. Mistakes are part of the game, and there is no such thing as perfection. You can always do better, and you can always improve. Problems occur when errors weaken an athlete’s confidence and mental focus. Successful athletes are able to let go quickly after a mistake.
When you focus on a past mistake, you create noise in the system, you increase mental distraction, your mindset becomes negative, and this can erode and destroy mental toughness. The negative self-talk we tend to get into after a mistake distracts us from the focus and concentration we need to achieve our best performance.
It is quite easy to get into a negative frame of mind, dwell on mistakes, and focus on failure. We all do it to some extent. We can get caught up in negative self-talk. However, we need a way to get back on track. We need a way to re-focus, to re-boot as quickly as possible.
“I’m having a bad day.”
“I’m playing badly.”
“My opponent is making me look bad.”
“That was embarrassing.”
“I’m not ready for this.”
“This isn’t working.”
“But not for long.”
Try to be aware of your negative self-talk. Try replacing your typical negative self-talk with this phrase:
“But, not for long.”
Give it a try. This is a great way to increase your mental toughness and improve your emotional resilience.